


sometimes you're unlucky, and sometimes you're unlucky at the right time

by orphan_account



Series: team von riegan [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Alpha Hilda Valentine Goneril, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Established Relationship, F/M, Male Lactation, Omega Claude Von Riegan, Unplanned Pregnancy, ignatz deserves better but hilda likes to embarass any guy she meets, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 16:54:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23503798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: «Hi, Ignatz! Welcome to boob city!»Ignatz couldn't produce an intelligent noise as a response, sticking to generating what could only be described as the exact sound a wyvern produced while orgasming, or alternatively, the sound of a chicken going into cardiac arrest..ignatz's worry for his friends is rewarded with the threat of death via sheer embarrassment.
Relationships: Hilda Valentine Goneril/Claude von Riegan
Series: team von riegan [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1692382
Kudos: 21





	sometimes you're unlucky, and sometimes you're unlucky at the right time

**Author's Note:**

> this is ridiculously self-indulgent and also the first instance /ever/ of me writing something f/m wrow.  
i might write something one day that isn't like a fragment of something bigger, but for now, i wanted to cut straight to this in order to cheer myself up because quarantine kinda sucks ass. plus i wanted to manifest hilda (a)/claude (o) into existence. 
> 
> i'm still in the pre-timeskip in the golden deer route, so while i am aware some major spoilers, i don't know too many VW specific ones - thankfully - and well, i'm not finishing the game in one sitting just so i can write accurate self-indulgent stuff. i'm my own god. all you need to know is that this is set post-war, khalid's already king, but they're working some kinks out in alliance territory. 
> 
> will this be more than a one-shot? maybe so but that depends on some health issues and my workload from school.

He was pretty sure this was the right door but before he could raise a hand to knock on the wood, it swung open in front of him, revealing Hilda's beaming face.

«Hi, Ignatz! Welcome to boob city!»

Ignatz couldn't produce an intelligent noise as a response, sticking to generating what could only be described as the exact sound a wyvern produced while orgasming, or alternatively, the sound of a chicken going into cardiac arrest.

_ «Ignore _her,» Khalid's voice emerged from an unseen corner of the couple's room. From the entrance of their quarters, all Ignatz could see was their massive currently unmade bed and what was probably Khalid's study to the right of the door, if the many old tomes, parchments, and half-dried ink wells were anything to go by. «She’s been saying that to everyone who steps in ever since I started, huh—»

«Started lactating!»

«_Hilda_,» Khalid bounded the room's corner, appearing into view. «_Behave_, you’ll scare him away.»

«Oh, so I can't say that you’re lactating? Producing milk?»

Ignatz hadn’t seen him (in actuality either of them) in a while, but not much had changed — the exception being Khalid's slightly shorter hair and a slight swell to his, well, now breasts. He was still dressed in casual loungewear_, _ Hilda's helpful add-on interrupted whatever he was doing originally, which by the clothing still hanging on his left arm, must have been picking out what to wear for the day.

The three of them (and possibly some other ex-Golden Deer classmates) were to join a meeting with a couple of renowned merchants_, _the topic at hand being the safety of the new trading travel routes and subsequent guaranty of the continuous supply of quality goods to the surrounding area.

Hilda in turn, now standing close to her partner’s side, looked the exact same since he last laid eyes on her; still a tiny menace of a woman sporting her signature earrings, high ponytail and deceptively sweet bordering on mischievous smile. The only thing out of the norm was her color choice of clothing. Pink unaccounted for, she was dressed in colors Ignatz usually associated Khalid with, yellow and black.

She looked incredibly smug at the prospect of not being the only one with breasts in the relationship — and even more so because she was part of the reason for such change. Meanwhile, her partner seemed mildly exasperated for Ignatz's sake. He knew whatever initial embarrassment Khalid could have had at the prospect was likely tossed out of the window in the first five minutes. He _could _get and _be _embarrassed, but he was annoyingly pretty unshakable — even so, Ignatz could appreciate the small mercy provided.

Oscillating between coming in further and entirely exiting their room, Ignatz offered a quiet: «Guys I, huh. I can come back at another time.» 

«No need!» Came the cheery chorus. 

Khalid dropped his garments on the back of the nearest chair (which ended up being the study's wooden desk chair) and sat down on the desk's single unoccupied corner. His actual seat had quite the collection of books on top of it already. As a matter of fact, there were stacks of books sprouting everywhere - at this point, they were both equally part of the quarter's furniture and decoration.

Hilda had noticeably used one of the sturdier-looking piles as an improvised vanity if the hazardously balanced mirror and the clutter of hair accessories near it were anything to go by.

«Come on in, hon! I promise to stop talking about Khalid's milky bosom.» 

«_Ew. _ Even _I _wasn't fond of that one.» 

After firing a last playful wink back, Hilda beaconed her friend in, closing the door behind him and joining Khalid on the desk - throwing the pile of papers behind him with simulated carelessness on top of the tomes beside his legs. Ignatz sat across them on a comfy-looking armchair, right elbow brushing the vanity book pile.

The room was an alarming boby trap - if, or _when, _Khalid sneezed, he'd kick the tower and surely kill him with the projectile turned books, that is, if Ignatz didn't accomplish that first via accidentally making the neighboring mirror crash on top of his own head.

The marriage of a book hoarder and a lazy person was terrifying.

While everyone got settled, Ignatz could see Hilda trying to hook her chin over her love’s shoulder, in order to both cuddle and keep eye contact. However, her height and the braid Khalid sported today kept comically getting in her way, seemingly forcing her to resign herself to embracing her partner and taking a peek at him whenever Khalid lifted an arm.

With little but the top of her head and pink fringe in view, crowning over a brown shoulder, she was quite the sight. 

In fact, both were.

Khalid Von Riegan, master tactician, accomplished sniper and leader, and Hilda Valentine Goneril, terrifying whirlwind of a warrior — a certified force of nature at this point — domestically cuddling on top of a creaking desk, while one of them was expecting. His heart could help but flutter, after everything everyone went through, watching his allies, his friends, relax and settle into or with who they wanted after wartime warmed him.

Spring did _always _arrive, no matter how harsh the winter season had been. And this particular blessing was to be celebrated joyously. 

«Ignatz you’re getting teary-eyed my friend.» 

«Oho!» Hilda perked up in the background, duking her head under Khalid’s gesturing hand and grinning.

«It’s just d—dust! Yeah,_ just _dust!» He fired back quickly and blinked away whatever moisture resided in his eyes cheeks before the alpha in front of him could make matters worse - those crinkling eyes were not to be trusted.

«Oops, that’s on me.» Leaning back against the short woman - which forced her to return to her previous position in order to avoid getting folded in half against her own knees - Khalid’s eyes peered around the bedroom, gaze pausing on each of the most prominent book-constructed columns before continuing to the next.

«I'm still waiting on some wood planks to assemble what is going to become a small library very quickly in the joint room. Ugh, but I _ do _need to dust these books eventually, since they gather it so easily like this—» Now it was his turn to perk up. Looking over his shoulder at his partially squashed mate, Khalid continued, «—on second thought Hilda. Honey, love of my life, I'm a pregnant omega. You should do it.»

Ignatz — sadly — couldn’t see her reaction, hidden as she was, but whatever face she made provoked a snort from Riegan.

«Are we done picking on the only alpha in the room? Yes? Great.» Hilda fired back. «So, Ignatz, not that we don’t miss you, but why the early visit? We were going to see each other in a bit.»

At this, Khalid considerably stiffened, lackadaisical posture gone, he straightened his back and locked a sharp eye on the other man’s face. «Did something happen?»

«Oh, no!» With that Riegan visibly relaxed, dropping his body against the unsuspecting alpha behind him. Following her tiny ‘oof’, the atmosphere returned to its previous pleasant state.

«Nothing happened, at least not to _me _ — Lysethia mentioned you guys ran into some kind of trouble, she didn’t say exactly what, which made me concerned about your wellbeing. I didn’t expect the trouble to be, well. _ This.» _

«To be fair, neither did we.» Hilda piped up.

«Eh?»

«We know the rest of the precautions we took were failproof, so we suspect a faulty ingredient in the potion he took as birth control.» 

Khalid hummed in affirmation and added, «I always prepare it myself, so I know _no one _tampered with it. While it's possible to suggest that I could simply have made a mistake — which while not likely, I’ll still entertain as an option for the sake of the argument — the medical staff here has _also _been complaining about something being amiss in their potions. They’re either misperforming or having no effect at all, except they couldn’t pin-point specifically what was causing this.»

«That’s quite serious.» 

Messing with medicine? Peacetime or not, people’s need for healthcare didn’t disappear, whoever created this mess either knew exactly what they were doing or was completely out of depth. Lysethia’s concern hadn’t been unfounded, after all.

«Yes, unfortunately.» The brunet massaged the bridge of his nose, Hilda’s hand sneaking below his shirt’s sleeve to caress one of his thighs reassuringly. 

«I talked with the healers after finding out I was expecting, and we already figured out which ingredient was awry. Since only one merchant is in charge of that particular herb’s supply, we know exactly who the culprit is - and well, with my pregnancy we have solid proof of the quality, or lack thereof, of his produce.»

Hand stilling, Hilda snorted. «Wow. Are you gonna use our kid as proof?» 

«Uh....yes?»

Chuckling, Ignatz righted himself and rested once again against the armchair’s pillowed back, after having progressively dropped more and more weight on his knees as Khalid talked. 

«When did you two find out?» 

«Recently. I'm four months in and up until the beginning of Garland Moon, this month, I had almost no symptoms - plus apparently I'm not a shower.» He rested his left hand on his admittedly tamely protruding abdomen, a smaller paler hand joining his not much later.

To an unsuspecting observer, it could have simply seemed that the King of Unification had relaxed a little after the war’s end and had put on a few pounds as a result.

«Maybe that’s because Hilda’s such a small alpha.» Adjusting his crooked speckles, Ignatz jokingly suggested. In response, the hand resting on top of Khalid’s jerked into a frankly rude gesture before settling back on her unborn child's resting place. Meanwhile, the aforementioned man grinned back at his love’s 'tormentor'. 

«Could be, but I think it’s just genetics on my end. I remember my mother telling me as a kid she didn't grow as big as other people while pregnant with me.»

Ignatz chuckled. «Though, on a more serious note, are you guys okay with this?»

«Yeah. We did talk about the possibility of kids in a near-ish future, preferably after we got married though. So this wasn't something that wrecked our plans or anything of the sort. It just happened sooner than expected.» 

«Didn’t you guys already—»

He was fairly sure he didn’t hallucinate the weird rushed exchange of vows on wyvern back while riding into what ended up being the final battle in the war. Seteth still occasionally spoke of it, describing it as the most unconventional ceremony he had officiated, something the couple was quite proud of.

Hilda’s voice, accompanied by passionately executed air quotes, performed way too close to Khalid’s face for comfort, settled the matter quickly: «Heh, not ‘properly’. Even though Seteth has the authority to perform unions, we’re not recognized officially as spouses by some noble houses in the Alliance, and in turn, the same is true in the other countries because of the lack of consensus here. Apparently it has to be on ‘solid ground’ and ‘not before battles that may end in both spouses demise.’» 

He hummed in response. «Well, I expect a second wedding invitation then, one with fewer scales and general threat of death included.»

This time they could gather everyone, organize a proper ceremony, with amazing food and decorations and — and he could also convince them to finally pause for a wedding portrait.

«Well, it’s only happening after I push this kid out of me, ‘Natz, but we promise we’ll let you know.»

Ignatz watched as Hilda carefully slipped from behind her partner, getting off the desk to drape herself onto Khalid’s lap — whose response was to both tangle one of his hands in her hair and scoot back on the now free space in order to rest his back against the wall, nearly dislodging his companion from her perch in the process; subsequently Hilda’s whine increased in volume. 

He could recognize an incoming Hilda's S class acting performance, and she never failed to deliver.

As petulantly as she could, and simultaneously with the gravity of a dying soldier, she cried into the underside of Khalid’s left thigh while her right hand shook his nearest knee — his left one — and her left curled around his waist. At first, all you could identify from the alpha woman was a single - hight pitched - drowned out note, but eventually «But that’s gonna take so _looong _though….» and a «I love you _sooo_ much…...» became intelligible. 

With the tone of someone who had repeatedly explained this exact same reasoning, time and time again, her partner replied monotonically. «Hilda, if we had figured out I was pregnant sooner, I’d do it. But if we were to start planning something now, I’d most likely give birth at our own wedding.» 

«Sheesh, no need to be so graphic.»

«I just remembered, and I don’t mean to be rude, but you two said you only figured out this month Khalid was pregnant, though I always heard that omega’s natural odor is one of the first things to change in the early stages of pregnancy? Is that not true? Shouldn’t Hilda have ‘sniffed’ it out earlier?»

Was that rude? That was definitely rude, wasn't it. Oh, no. Hilda, Hilda was a friend, a very loyal one, but at the same time, she was very good with an axe and frankly quite terrifying while in battle and he had just said hey how come you didn’t notice your partner was pregnant are you even—

«All is good, hun.» She was amusedly peering at his suddenly sweaty complexion, now actually perched on Khalid’s lap, his head resting on top of hers. «It is _true_, but it’s only something subtle enough that a partner or a close family member would be able to pick up. It’s not necessarily a blaring ‘Hey! This person is pregnant’ alarm, it’s more like a tiny puzzle piece that along with the cues the pregnant party broadcasts that makes you identify it — but in our case, well my nose is pretty useless for anything other than breathing because of a childhood accident involving a training axe—»

«We’ve unlocked Hilda’s tragic backstory. This is what made her allergic to training.» 

Unforgivingly, she counterattacked by headbutting him from below, in revenge, Ignatz watched as the great Unification King, in turn, threatened to tip them over the cluttered surface of the desk.

«—Boohoo. So my nose can only detect like, really potent odors. Like ridiculously potent odors. And I can't tell them apart, they're just registered by brain I guess.» At this point, both of them were sideways, but Hilda’s bent legs clutched the tabletop securely — though, after an ominous creak that startled everyone, they righted themselves properly.

While Ignatz clutched at his own clothed chest in anxiety, Hilda took it as an invitation to continue talking. «When Khalid’s aggressively far along into estrus—»

«I really don't think Ignatz wants to hear that.»

«—Goddess. Stop interrupting me—is the only time I can smell him. And I can’t differentiate that from, say, alcohol.»

«Wow. You get drunk off my heat.» 

«Boohoooo. That was _bad._»

«Amazing, you’re both a match made in heaven for possible pregnancy scares.» 

Praise the goddess. With their conjoined bad luck, the fact that nothing had happened sooner, was a miracle. Ignatz couldn't imagine what would have happened if this had happened either during the war (very disastrous but it would have been at least slightly funny — well, _ very _funny —to see Khalid pregnant on wyvern back) or in the Academy (absolute worst outcome imaginable).

He didn't know if they had been intimate as teenagers and he did _not_ want to know not now, not _ever_, but he wanted to know even less what Seteth would have said when Lord Claude Von Riegan, heir of the Alliance's leading house, showed up pregnant out of wedlock — when he could barely stand premarital hand-holding between students — or, _ even worse _what the Holy Church of Seiro's response would be to Claude's decision, which would assuredly have been to terminate the gestation.

«Accidents my dear friend, at the point either of us finds out, it's way past scare.»

«Khalid, that _ really _ doesn't make me feel better.»

Thank the Goddess once again, was all he could think of while staring at the ceiling. Ignatz let his gaze rest there for a while and mindlessly started to catalog what he was able to see. The ceiling was red in color, and above the bed, there rested a chandelier. It was quite well made, the metal had been worked by obviously skilled hands, the floral-inspired detailing on metal's edges truly beautiful. Its decor was asymmetrical, on only of the four 'arms' rested a yellow-toned fabric. It? It looked like. It looked like someone's _bandeau. _

That was fine. He was just leaving anyway — he still had to eat something before the meeting started and Khalid needed to finish getting ready anyways. No one had noticed he spotted something amiss either. Except that A) he had snapped his head back down way too quickly B) was pretty sure he was blushing utterly generously and C) the pair in front of him were like two sharks when they smelled embarrassment in the water and were looking straight at him in interest.

Hilda was the first to gaze up. After registering what she was seeing, what Ignatz had also seen, she unforgivingly mouthed 'not mine' at him. Khalid rubbed the back of his neck, the beginning of a blush dusting his cheeks.

Rare phenomenon, never observed by Ignatz, aside he truly, _ truly, _ ** _truly _**didn't want to know what both of them had been up to before he had arrived, but now he couldn't help but be the keeper of that information forever.

**Author's Note:**

> i wanted this to end with either titty von riegan or anosmic rights but i couldn't choose.
> 
> (i'm sorry for typos, i've read this like a million times but i've got adhd and my brain doesn't register what i'm reading or writing properly and sometimes the corrector doesn't pick them up. so i'm very slowly working out them out. please be patient with me :)


End file.
